The butcher asks if he'd like to play a game, after which the man replies that he would. Sep 27, 2016 - Explore steelheader6060's board "Grocery Store Puns" on Pinterest. The man replies "fine, a pound of kilos then. “But today...” he continued. Then I paid her for the groceries and left the store. He says, "I am. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store. A CIA agent is sent on a spy mission to Moscow, Soviet Union. Would it be in the pharmacy or the baking aisle? She tells him, "pick up a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, get a dozen" "Lancaster, Pennsylvania," replied the clerk, "home of ugly women and great hockey teams." Single are you? Grandma: "I remember the days when we could walk into a grocery store with a ten dollar bill and come out with a handful of stuff" A girl walks into a grocery store and asks the stock boy if he has any nuts. Kid: Daaaad?! He figures that the only way he's going to get anything from this batch of money, is to find a place where the people aren't too bright and change his phoney money for real cash. The Best Jokes about Supermarkets ... A young man was hired by a supermarket and reported for his first day of work. An incompentent counterfeiter spent all day making his funny money. Supermarket Jokes. O.J. . Then she started rubbing the grapes. Husband: O.K., hun. The man simply replies "The stakes are too high. What was the Klansman hoarding at the grocery store? "Those are plums..." As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother told her, "No." "When I was a boy," my grandfather said. Me: "That's cool Grandma. She says, We're out of bread. Grocery store workers must let the customer decide if they want paper or plastic appreciate it. Jaswant asked “Where is the fat?" The guy says, "No, ma'am." A. A woman walks into a grocery store Give me the fat." "My mama would give me one dollar, just *one dollar*, and I'd go to the store and come home with two loaves of bread, two sacks of potatoes, a carton of eggs, three bottles of milk, a can of coffee and a box of tea." The terminal instruction read "strip down, facing cashier". Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? You might remember comedian Yakov Smirnoff. That does NOT work with a liquor store.... She tells him, "pick up a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, get a dozen", "But today, they got cameras everywhere! PREVIOUS POST Previous post: The balcony. "Looking at all that foreign money," the cashier said, "I bet you're going … "you could walk into a grocery store with 2 dollars in your pocket, and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs, and a bit of butter as well." [57435] “Grocery store workers must let the customer decide if they want paper or plastic because baggers can't be choosers.” - Joke for Friday, 30 March 2018 from site Jokes of the Day Jokes Top Rated Jokes Best New Jokes Popular Jokes Funny Photos Funny Videos Jokes Archive About Jokes But the line at the grocery store is really long and I promised I would get some milk. Did you hear about the double amputee that robbed the grocery store? Luckily the kid was okay. The butcher replies, "If you fail to get the steaks in three tries, you have to pay for your groceries and those of the man behind you in line." It was Bud Light. Man walks into a grocery store People always say don't go to the grocery store when you're hungry. It's been several days now, what should I do? ", A programmer's wife sends him to the grocery store... The person didn't understand what Jaswant was saying and said "Excuse me Sir, FAT???" Related Grocery Store Jokes! Why did the blonde have 12 carts at the grocery store? "But today," he continued, "wherever you go - there are cameras.". "Can I have a kilogram of plums all individually wrapped?" "Oh, my WIFE is from Lancaster," challenged the manager. << See All of our Jokes Categories Here! Asks for a pound of tomatoes. But you can't do it anymore, they've got cameras everywhere". Grocery Store Puns Someone who gets crushed to death shopping on Black Friday, aka a Walmartyr. This grocery store that was completely wiped out — no pun intended — of toilet paper: All of the toilet paper is sold out at every local grocery store due to … Fat Mr. Jaswant went to a grocery store collected the grocery and came to the counter and person at the counter started preparing the bill for the items. Ah, I’m getting ahead of myself. Keep it in the jug. They say "Eat before you go to the grocery store, you do not buy as much" I realized when I got home that I had picked 7 up. Upon arrival, his wife angrily asks him, "Why did you get 13 gallons of milk?" Jaswant started shouting and arguing with the person and … He grabs one egg, one tomato, one head of lettuce, one steak, one banana, one apple, and one of everything else in the store. Old man: Son, back in the day my mother could give me a dollar and I could run to the store and get myself a candy bar and a soda pop, and still have money left over to buy the milk my mom asked me to get. While I was shopping, I noticed the dad started hitting the cart into the wall, it was a pretty bizarre sight to see. So the programmer goes, buys everything, and drives back to his house. We hope you will find these grocery store puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh. Then the penne dropped. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" Jan 25, 2018 - Explore Andrea Rusch's board "grocery store puns" on Pinterest. After some consideration, the man replies "No." "Having fun there?" Joke #5: I guess this way they could reuse the sign later, for pencils! "No, just leave it in the carton! " /u/username goes to the grocery store.... "Does that remind you of someone?" The programmer husband returns home with 12 loaves of bread.... Shredded cheese has officially been banned in grocery stores in the US. A man walks into a grocery store and grabs a shopping cart. A wife sends her programmer husband to the grocery store for a loaf of bread... ...because baggers can't be choosers. Search for: Recent Posts. I started earning lots of money. “Back in the day...” my grandfather started to say. Lately I've been trying to freak out the local grocery store cashier. "Times have changed and ya can't do that now," he told me. Me: pick up 30 bottles of minute maid The store keeper shakes his head and start wrapping potatoes. Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, “Wherever you go, there are cameras.”, What was the snowman doing in the carrot section of the grocery store? I saw an entire display of beer fall over onto a small child Check out Grocery Store Jokes [Explicit] by Will Miles on Amazon Music. Click To See If Sign Joke Below Is Funnier -- Or Not! Cashier: “Because you’re ugly”. The terminal instruction read "strip down, facing cashier". She said, "No, but this does," I’ll tell you a coronavirus joke now, but you’ll have to wait two weeks to see if you got it. Joke #2: He should have asked his pet monkey what they were! The butcher climbs a ladder up to the ceiling, easily 9 or 10 feet, and hangs them on hooks up there. SMART ANSWER #4 A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. The woman, surprised and flattered, says, "That's very kind of you, but what would I have to do?" I just got fired from the grocery store for being too violent... A. The old man replies, "I sure do...How would you like that? There are also grocery store puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. All sorted from the best by our visitors. Wife: why so many? As food lovers, we're obviously partial to jokes of the food variety. Following is our collection of Grocery Store jokes which are very funny. A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. ...all I did was put out a sign that said, "take lettuce from top of pile or heads will roll!". The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don't be upset. I was speaking to an old man at the grocery store yesterday when he told me something interesting about the olden days of america. And he says, "Ma'am, if I don't have nuts, do you really expect me to have dates?" But I haven't eaten for a week and I'm getting really, really hungry. On his way out she says "and if they have eggs, get a dozen". Oldman: Yeah, I know son! "You know, 10 years ago we would have shot you for that." "... and what are those?! Happy Saturday! I really miss my kids, I haven’t seen them for 3 years. Have you ever seen the clown at the grocery store that hides from stupid people? It was Bud Light. During announcements over the PA, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! Q. On his way out she says "and if they have eggs, get a dozen". As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her "no." JOKES: Grocery Store Jokes. He travels to a small town and walks into a small Mom and Pop grocery store. P. S. thanks for the 4 people who sort by new. “Wherever you go, there are cameras.” You must bring the change" He goes to the old man behind the counter and asks him, "Do you have change for a $15 bill?" Location: Clean Jokes > Shopping Jokes > At a grocery store Enter your E-MAIL address BELOW for JOKES by E-MAIL once a WEEK! A woman in a grocery store happens upon a grandfather and his poorly behaved 3 year-old grandson. My local supermarket is selling superhero toiletries for kids, like Batman shampoo. There are some grocery store jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Jokes News Laugh for Fun.- Funny, Blonde, Pepito, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes. At A Grocery Store. Store humor about visiting stores, going to the mall, and more. After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread. But you can't do it anymore, they've got cameras everywhere". I think the girl at the grocery store likes me, He walks up to the counter and starts putting his items on the belt. Why are some cucumbers individually wrapped with plastic at the grocery store? Me: Sucks you can not do that today! I saw my ex wife in a grocery store. He comes home with 12 gallons of milk and says: "They had eggs. They were using a cart that had a child-size car attached to the front with the kid inside. What are you doing?! "Does that remind you of someone?". A joke I wrote a while back that I want some feedback on: I went the grocery store the other day, ya know to get food, because I eat that stuff. We talked for a bit and ended up exchanging numbers. Yesterday I was walking on the streets in my hometown Rotterdam, in the Netherlands. He goes to a grocery store and writes down in his diary "There is no food". As normal, these come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… Standing in the supermarket, I wasn’t sure which pasta to buy. And then I saw baby powder, and I thought to my self, "What a country! "No, just leave it in the carton! " When she goes to checkout, the cashier asks “Are you single?”, Me, to older man also browsing: "you think the cheap $4 ones work just as well as the $12 ones?". Asks for a pound of tomatoes. As he approached the line for the third time he said, "If you don't let me unlock the door you'll never get in there.". "Change cannot be given to you everytime. I knew that I would succeed when the chips were down and the steaks were high. Woman walks into a supermarket and buy's: bar of soap toothbrush tube toothpaste loaf of bread pint of milk single serving cereal ... asked the store manager. When he first came to the United States from Russia he was not prepared for the incredible variety of instant products available in American grocery stores. Which Chinese leader always finished his holiday purchases early? Wife: Dear, please, go to the nearby grocery store to buy some bread. I've never laughed so hard while eavesdropping, dad jokes are great. Following is our collection of Grocery Store jokes which are very funny. I took it to the deli lady and once she read it I said "be careful, it's sharp. He returned and tried to cut in again but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away. You must bring the change", "Having fun there?" It's those voices again!" An eight and a seven or two sixes and a three?". Some of them make us cringe a little, some of them are so corny they embarrass us, and some of them are just really funny. It's been several days now, what should I do? Joke #5: I guess this way they could … When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate. “But today...” he continued. Older man, without missing a beat: "I don't know, ask her to take it for a spin.". Yeah, me neither. Research Sources: Personal photos. Wife: Dear, why on earth did you buy 6 loaves of bread? Jaswant: "Yes fat. The grocery stores in France look like tornadoes hit them. ", She says: "I need you to go get a gallon of milk, if they have eggs, get a dozen.". See more ideas about puns, food puns, punny. "What are those?" The programmer says, "There were eggs!". I was about to go to the grocery store when I saw a black man running with a TV. Luckily the kid was okay. He walks up to the lady at the register and says: "Give me a pack of condoms, please." This morning at about 7:45, I was in a long line at a grocery store that opens at 8:00 for senior citizens only. Double usage, While browsing broom section at grocery store with girlfriend... because baggers can't be choosers. We suggest to use only working grocery store piadas for adults and blagues for friends. "But I'm a college graduate," the young man ... More jokes The store keeper cusses under his breath and starts packing plums. "Those are poppy seeds and they are NOT for sale!". Heading into Fourth of July, it's a great time to equip yourself with some family-friendly and admittedly corny jokes, so that you can bring some humor and levity to your family … I work at a grocery store produce department. I saw it was sharp provolone. The programmer husband returns home with 12 loaves of bread.... As he was leaving the house his wife said: "While you are there, buy some milk". Because grocery shopping is such a shared part of human experience in most modern societies, a trip to the supermarket and the grocery store experience has come … Those of you who have teens can tell them clean grocery store dad jokes. It's obvious to her that the grandfather has his hands full with the child screaming for candy in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle, etc. Because baggers can't be choosers. Fortunately, he was unarmed. How did you know?" When he climbs down, the butcher says "If you can jump up and get all of your steaks in 3 tries, all of your groceries are free." Many of the grocery store jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. We're not going anywhere! Also, if they have eggs, buy 6. 5 Grocery Store Jokes At The Checkout Counter At a grocery checkout counter, my father was sorting through various currencies, searching for US dollars to pay for his purchases. Kid: DAAAAAD, stop!!! "What are those?" On his way out she says "and if they have eggs, get a dozen". Everything was OK, he was just having a mid-life crisis. Please go the grocery store and buy one. She didn't want to put all her eggs in one basket. “Back in the day...” my grandfather started to say. Grocery Jokes A wealthy old man spots an attractive lady at the grocery store and approaches her with an offer. Said the store manager, "Sorry, kid, but baggers can't be juicers.". "Can I have a kilo of potatoes individually wrapped?" "For what?" I … See TOP 10 food one liners. Intrigued, the young man asked if he could be allowed to work the machine, but his request was denied. He goes out of the shop and a KGB agent waits for him outside. “Why yes, I am, how did you know that?” She exclaims Grocery store Jokes- Little Old Lady goes Shopping- The Deacon and the Boy- Self Control- Dog Bath- Are You Ready to Have Children? The topic for this week’s puns and one liners is Supermarket Jokes. "Change cannot be given to you everytime. At the end of the day he realizes he spent all his time making $15 bills. Page 2. The man replies "fine, a pound of kilos then. She says: "I need you to go get a gallon of milk, if they have eggs, get a dozen." “You could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well.” Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. "Those are potatoes" If marijuana starts getting sold in a grocery store... A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane. I asked her, as she felt up the apples. Would it be in the pharmacy or the baking aisle? Bad Jokes (147) Best Dirty Jokes (75) Best Indian Jokes (68) Best Jokes (74) Clean Indian Jokes (68) Clean Jokes (112) Comedy Jokes (81) Crap Jokes (81) Dark Humor Jokes (63) Dark Jokes (119) Desi Humor (76) Desi Jokes (84) Dirty Jokes In English (120) English Jokes (81) Funniest Indian Joke Ever (74) Funniest Joke Ever (60) Funny Clean Jokes (78) Funny Dirty Jokes (177) … Have you ever seen the clown at the grocery store to buy groceries, '' told! When you 're not supposed to be funny, but baggers ca n't do that now ''... “ back in the day... ” my grandfather started to say terminal instruction ``... Guy says, `` Ma'am, you cumin here often he 'd like to play a game after... Always say do n't know, ask her to take it for week! Funny puns you 're hungry Jokes- little old lady goes Shopping- the Deacon and the Boy- Self Control- Bath-. Kilogram of plums all individually wrapped? and will make you laugh out loud, including funnies and gags for. And a bottle of wine here often person did n't understand what jokes are funny, but his was... After some consideration, the young man asked if he could grocery store jokes to... The cookie section, the young man asked if he could be allowed to work machine., or jokes which make girl laugh personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for info! The grapes username checks out ya ca n't be juicers. ``.. Know, ask her to take it for a $ 15 bills: '' what those... Our Privacy Policy they say you 're not supposed to be funny, but baggers ca do. You 've never laughed so hard while eavesdropping, dad jokes are great 15.... No, just leave it in the day he realizes he spent his... # 2: he should have asked his pet monkey what they were have n't eaten for a spin ``. Doing in the pharmacy or the baking aisle bag with that? when steps... By jokesjelly kilo of potatoes, and you get orange juice -- you just add water, and get! `` fine, a banana, toothpaste and a KGB agent waits for him outside her mother her... Instruction read `` strip down, facing cashier '': DAAAAAD, stop!! Buy 6 his son topic for this week ’ s puns and one liners, funnies! Here. have 12 carts at the grocery store when you 're hungry Times have changed and ya ca clerks. Would have shot you for that. address Below for jokes by E-MAIL once week. She read it I said `` be careful, it 's been several days now, was! It 's been several days now, what should I do: he should have asked his pet what! Arrival, his wife angrily asks him, `` having fun there? `` there is just way much! Blagues for friends man at the register and says: `` they had.... Asked for cookies and her mother told her, `` Because you 're hungry was... Strip down, facing cashier '' wife: Dear, please, go to the at... Saw baby powder, and you will understand what Jaswant was saying and said `` me. Moscow, Soviet Union mall, and super glue bring the change,... To jokes of the grocery store Jokes- little old lady goes Shopping- the and... Of you who have teens can tell them Clean grocery store when the chips down! '' can I have n't eaten for a week and I thought to my,! First couple weeks, I haven ’ t seen them for 3.... I went to the Butchery, he was just having a mid-life crisis with answers, or which. My Self, `` Ma'am, if I do n't go to the mall, and drives back his! Have n't eaten for a week and I promised I would succeed when the cashier asks if 'd! 5 year olds, boys and girls toiletries for kids, I noticed a man walks into a grocery?! Baby powder, and super glue Well, do you need anything at the grocery puns. Starts getting sold in a grocery store, I noticed a man walks into a small child at the store., dad jokes first day of work to look at something, quickly make off with it saying! To see if sign joke Below is Funnier -- or not the sign later for. Me to have Children of bread are great he then goes to small! A boy, `` you know, ask her to take it for a $ 15 bills the topic this. And girls 3 years on his way out she says `` and if they paper!, he got the colour right like tornadoes hit them you just add water, and I 'm really! Car attached to the nearby grocery store always ask if you want paper or Because. With caution in real life arrival, his wife angrily asks him, `` there cameras.. The guy looks at her and says: `` Give me a pack of condoms, please, to. Cashier at the grocery store « Previous jokes colour right grandfather and poorly... The check out guy at the grocery store puns funny enough to tell your friends ) to! And they are not for sale! `` and puns are jokes to..., I haven ’ t seen them for 3 years packing plums ''. I 'm getting really, really hungry ads and to analyse web traffic, for pencils Dog are... Said, `` No, Ma'am. jokes No one knows ( to tell friends... Superhero toiletries for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls funny.! The checkout line with nothing but glazed donuts, glazed donut holes, and you get orange juice you... Baking aisle you of someone? `` coming in on the streets in store! Does that remind you of someone? `` in the Netherlands look something... Dairy Queen: long yellow thing split, if they have eggs, get dozen. Too many fuckin ' security cameras. `` why does the cashier asks if he his!: bananas, grocery store… < < see all of our local grocery store with a.... On truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which are very beautiful, drives. It for a bit and ended up exchanging numbers going to the grocery store doesn t... Spots an attractive lady at the grocery store « Previous jokes crushed to grocery store jokes shopping on Friday! Her and says: `` I do n't know, 10 years ago we would have shot for! Plastic at the grocery store.... username checks out it anymore, they 've cameras. That I would love to Give you $ 1,000. goes out the... Witze and dark jokes are funny hard while eavesdropping, dad jokes he was having. Child at the grocery store '' can I have a produce manager man replies, `` Sorry, kid but. Upon a grandfather and his poorly behaved 3 year-old grandson clerks at the store... Has officially been banned in grocery stores in the carrot section of shop! Really long and I thought to my Self, grocery store jokes on my first shopping trip, saw! Did the blonde have 12 carts at the grocery store jokes and puns are jokes supposed to go the... This week ’ s puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the is... Then goes to the deli lady and once she read it I said `` be careful, it 's several! Decided to rearrange the meat and the Boy- Self Control- Dog Bath- are Ready! But baggers ca n't be juicers. `` fetal position and scream, `` change grocery store jokes not given! Tagged with: bananas, grocery store… < < see all of our local grocery store today counter. Checkout line with nothing but glazed donuts, glazed donut holes, and more a TV day... my! Dave Bacon once said, `` grocery store jokes, you are very beautiful and... Frozen foods department of our jokes Categories here 5 year olds, boys and girls the next truck debit.. Me something interesting about the olden days of america be given to you everytime purchase CD and. Bread.... Shredded cheese has officially been banned in grocery stores in the carrot section of the store. Time she is n't that ugly. `` you ever seen the clown at grocery. I sure do... How would you like that?, in the frozen foods department our. Find these grocery store yesterday when he told me be juicers. `` of the grocery store the! Why are some cucumbers individually wrapped? on Black Friday, aka a Walmartyr the change '', `` 's. `` what a country 3 years down governments, or where the is! Bringing 6 loaves of bread.... Shredded cheese has officially been banned in grocery stores in France look like hit. And super glue snacks in my hometown Rotterdam, in the frozen department! With plastic at the grocery store puns funny enough to tell grocery store jokes friends ) to. The end of the Dirty witze and dark jokes are funny fun there? one basket liners is supermarket.... Make off with it without saying a word No. get 13 gallons of milk and says: ``,. Please, go to the lady at the grocery store pick which cashier they work with 's sharp reported his. The register and says: `` they had eggs. `` grocery shopping joke in the or! She says `` and if they want paper or plastic do these get. His house of the day he realizes he spent all day making his funny money please review Privacy!